I Bruise Easily
by misswhiteblack
Summary: Serena finds out Sirius has escaped Azkaban and the day she finds out just happens to be their anniversary. R


_Disclaimer: I don't own the character of Sirius Black but I do own the character of Serena Rosa White Black. Also this story was an rp co-written with Caitlin aka Kekelina. Tis a good story though._

**I Bruise Easily!**

Serena Rosa White was a mystery to all her neighbours. She had appeared one day with her now thirteen year old daughter Kerr about twelve years before but her life before that was a complete mystery to all those who had come to know her. Nobody could tell you what school she had gone to nor what her profession was, no-one could say who her friends or family had been, nobody could tell you who Kerr's father was nor why he did not live with then and no-one could say where Serena disappeared to for long periods of time. Her daughter, Kerr, was only around during the holidays as she went to a boarding school although which one no-one knew but the biggest mystery of all was the sad, haunted look that Serena's startling eyes held.

Now her neighbours may not have known very much about Serena but the majority of the wizarding community did. Serena Rosa White, as most could tell you, was the eldest child of William and Rosa White. A twin to Jonathon William White she had another five siblings after him. She had attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry from the age of eleven, was sorted in Ravenclaw house and almost immediately landed herself the title of "Hogwarts Smartest Student". Her best friend went by the name of James Potter whom she had known since the age of two although during Hogwarts she became firm friends with Lily Evans, Emmeline Vance, Hesita Jones, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and most surprisingly Sirius Black. After her years at Hogwarts she was immediately signed by England's quiditch team becoming their most celebrated chaser yet. That was why she was so well known back then but now she was known as the wife of mass-murderer Sirius Black.

The eyelids flickered slightly and then opened revealing startling, slanted emerald green eyes set in a tanned face. A slim tanned hand appeared from under the bed covers pushing back the extraordinary straight brown hair littered in white ringlets from the beautifully structured face. Pair of slim, smooth, tanned legs were swung onto the wooden floor and Serena rose from the bed yawning slightly. She turned to make the bed and once it was made she quickly got dress. Picking up her wand from the bedside table Serena left the room and continued down the stairs. The house always seemed quite empty to Serena when Kerr was away at boarding school.

The emerald eyes immediately spotted the letter sitting on the coffee table. Serena was surprised as she hadn't expected a letter from Kerr until tomorrow. Picking up the letter she saw it wasn't from her daughter but she did recognise the neat handwriting of her old headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. She frowned wondering why now after so many years had Dumbledore decided to write to her. Just then a newspaper was inserted through her letterbox. Serena didn't normally read newspapers but she had wanted to know about this mass-murderer escaping a phenomenon that her neighbours loved to gossip about. Picking it up she wandered back into the room scanning it.

_Special Forces confirm that he has escaped from a high security prison and is suspected to be somewhere in London. The fugitive is carrying a black revolver is aged 35, about 6ft black hair and is very pale. Extremely dangerous he should not be approached by any member of the public but in regarding his whereabouts informants are requested to phone the number below. The fugitives said name is Sirius Black ..._

Serena dropped the paper and grabbed Dumbledore's letter quickly. Tearing it open she scanned it quickly, _escaped last week, after Harry, all over the news, man-hunt, ministry want to know your location, should have told you sooner. _Serena felt faint. She sank into the nearest chair and dropped the letter. Sirius had escaped. He had done what no-one had done before, he had escaped Azkaban. He had been locked away for twelve years for murders he hadn't committed. Well … Serena didn't know whether Sirius had murdered thirteen muggles trying to kill Peter Pettigrew but he would never have betrayed Lily and James, never. Serena knew for a fact that he hadn't. She glanced down at the letter to see that something was attached to it. She bent down and pulled out a clipping from the Daily Prophet. The headline jumped out at her, "DARK WIZARD ESCAPES" and there under the subheading "Dark tricks learnt from You-Know-Who himself" was a picture of him. Her heart tore at the sight of hi. He looked like a skeleton. She glanced up catching sigh of the calendar. Serena burst into tears and fell on her knees to the floor sobbing furiously into her hands. It was September 12th their Anniversary.

"Dark tricks learned from You-Know-Who himself. Bollocks!" Sirius muttered as he crumpled up the newspaper he had stolen of the porch of a house and threw it against a rock. It was rubbish. Absolute rubbish! If only those bloody idiots knew what they were talking about.

He shook his head, his tangled black hair whipping around his face from the movement, and grabbed something out of the pocket of his tattered and torn robes. It was his greatest possession. His only possession. He caressed the worn paper and stared at the picture - for it was a picture - of the things he had lost in one night. It was a picture of Serena, his beautiful wife, and their one-year-old daughter.

Tears, despite his best efforts, formed in the corners of his eyes. He had loved them with the deepest passion possible. They had been his whole life. He had known Serena since Hogwarts, first becoming friends and then lovers, only to move onto husband and wife soon after. Back then, before he had married her, she had been known as Serena Rosa White. He had always teased her because when she married him she became know as Serena Rosa White Black, which was funny in itself. But Merlin, he had loved her. He hadn't thought he would've been able to love her anymore than he already did, but then she gave him a daughter. Kerr. The most beautiful thing he had set eyes on, save for her mother. They were a perfect family. They were happy.

And then he lost all of it in one night.

He cursed Pettigrew loudly for ruining his life. The rat was the reason he had lost James and Lily and Harry (even though Harry was still alive). The rat was the reason he had lost Serena and Kerr. The rat was the reason he had been sent to Azkaban for something he didn't do. Something that the rat should've had to pay the price for. But it was Sirius, not Peter that had sat in that cell for twelve years, reliving his last moments of freedom, reliving the death of his best mate and brother. But the rat would pay. Sirius would make sure of that. Which was why he had escaped in the first place. To prove his innocence and make the rat feel as much pain as Sirius had the past twelve years.

Sirius sighed and wiped the tears away with his calloused hand, before turning into a dog and trotting down to the village. It was a Muggle village, and while Sirius knew it was risky to be there, he continued to it. He had to see her one last time. He knew she probably considered him to be a traitor and a dark wizard, but something inside of him wanted to believe that she realized the truth. Whatever she believed, he knew it would be the last time he saw her, at least until he was free. He just wanted a glimpse of her, to see how she was doing...on their anniversary.

Making sure no one was about, he ran down, doggy-style, to a picturesque house. It had taken him quite a bit of time to find out where she had moved to. It would've been a lot easier if she had just stayed in their old home, but he didn't blame her for wanting to leave. He just didn't understand why she had to clean up her tracks so good.

Once he had safely made it to the house and was hidden behind a large bush, he transformed back into himself, and stared longingly through the window, only to find her on her knees crying hysterically. His heart leapt to his throat and he wondered if it was because of him she was crying. Half of him wanted to burst through the door and comfort her like he had so many times before during the war, but the other half of him, the smarter and more reasonable side of him, knew he couldn't do that. So he watched her.

'SIRIUS,' the scream erupted from her mouth although after a moment she wasn't even sure if she had uttered it. This was far too painful to endure. Her heart felt as though it was about to burst. She could hardly believe the lies they were telling about him. She had tried so hard to tell Dumbledore that it hadn't been Sirius who had betrayed Lily and James but nobody had listened to her. She was just a girl far to wrapped up in love and lust to think straight. She remembered someone saying she was just making excuses for him. Serena had been furious but when someone else had suggested that she had lost her mind she had lost her temper and flown at him.

She had had to leave. Her daughter would never be able to go to Hogwarts holding her head up high because everyone believed that her father had betrayed his best friends. Everyone believed Sirius had it in him to betray James. Serena's tears choked her. Sirius could never ever think of betraying James ad especially not to Voldemort. Sirius's family were among the evilest people but Sirius wasn't like them. He had never been like them. She knew that but the only people apart from herself that knew he wasn't guilty were James and Lily and they were dead. Well there was one other, Peter Pettigrew but he too was dead if indeed Sirius had killed him. Serena would like to have killed him herself.

She sobbed into her hands were she knelt on the carpet of the well furnished living room. The place was relatively big and had an open fireplace. On top of the mantelpiece were pictures. There were none of Serena but all the photos were of Kerr and she looked so much like him that on days like today Serena was almost glad that Kerr was at boarding school because just looking at Kerr made Serena remember him and it made her heart cry out in pain at the memories. Serena had kept all her pictures of her years at and after Hogwarts in a small photograph book. She had kept it away in the cupboard because it hurt her too much to see the smiling faces of Sirius, James and Lily beside that traitor Peter Pettigrew.

She continued to sob on the carpet. She was glad that Kerr wasn't at home to see her like this. She hated to show any weakness what-so-ever. After a few minutes. She staggered to her feet having to grab hold of the furniture in order to steady herself. She grabbed hold of the paper and glanced at again. Then she ripped it in half feeling as though her heart was ripping too. It was almost too much. The only good thing was that Sirius was now free.

Her scream startled Sirius so much that he actually leapt back in shock and tumbled down into the bush. He laid there for a moment, letting the bugs crawl over him and the leaves of the bush tickle his cheeks. It was his fault. All of it was his fault. _Don't think like that, Sirius..._ Merlin, how many times had he told himself that over the past twelve years? But it was his fault, he knew it. His wife was hurting because of him. James and Lily were dead because of him. Harry lived with his horrible Muggle relatives..._because of him._

If only he had realized that Peter was the traitor. How could he have been so stupid to think it was Remus? How could he possibly have questioned his loyalty like that when the real traitor had been standing right in front of his very nose and he had foolishly handed the Potter's over on a silver platter? It hurt him deeply to see people that he loved hurt because of him. It tore his heart in two. Harry had looked so...so unloved when he had seen him over at Magnolia Crescent that day in the summer. And now...Serena...it broke his heart in a way he didn't think his heart would ever mend again. He was the cause of her pain.

What other pain had he caused? What pain had he caused to his beautiful baby daughter, who wasn't so little anymore? How had she dealt with growing up without a father? Did she even know who her father was? Did she hate him as much as the rest of the world? Was she forced to lie about him to her friends, and say that she simply didn't know who her father was? His beautiful little girl. Daddy's girl... She had looked so much like him when she was born. They had taken out photos of Sirius's baby pictures and compared them to the one-year-old girl playing with the fake wand her Uncle James had gotten her, and found them to be almost exactly alike in looks. It was scary how similar they had looked at that age.

When Sirius finally removed himself from the bushes and looked back in the window again, he found Serena ripping up the newspaper into teeny-tiny little bits, tears streaming down her face. It was too much for him to bear. Before he could stop himself, he banged his fist against the window in anger, almost breaking the glass. Quickly, he ducked down, hopefully before she saw him. That was the last thing he needed.

Quietly, he stayed hidden in the bushes, unmoving. If someone saw him. It was bad enough he was down there in his human form. But now he had brought attention to himself. If Serena believed him to be a traitor...if she saw him...if she called the Muggle police. He gulped. He didn't want to think about that.

A bee buzzed near his ear and he swatted it away impatiently, causing the leaves of the bush to rustle. _Great going, idiot. You're going to get yourself caught!_

Serena could hardly stand. She felt so weak as she ripped the paper into pieces. It fell to the ground and she watched it fall down drifting onto the carpet. She looked down at it and then picked up her wand from where she had put it on the coffee table. Muttering chokily under her breath the newspaper pieces disappeared. It didn't make her feel any better though. She didn't know if anything could make her feel any better and Kerr wasn't even there to comfort her. Serena was torn in two. On one hand she wanted Kerr there to comfort her as only Kerr could but on the other hand she was glad Kerr wasn't there. Serena hated to break down in front of her daughter. Kerr didn't deserve it.

Serena half thought of sending a letter to her twin brother Jonathon asking him to come to her as soon as he possibly could but she refrained. If Jonathon came up then so would his wife, Cali. Cali Tempress was someone Serena couldn't stand. Cali believed that Sirius was a murderer and the way she treated Jonathon shocked Serena. She hoped half-heartedly that maybe Jonathon had divorced her but she hadn't heard. Serena had made a promise to her family that if they needed to get in contact with her then they could if it was important but she wouldn't contact them unless she was in grave danger. After what had happened to Sirius she felt it would be best to leave, disappear just in case the Ministry thought that her brothers or sister were in league with her husband for they had accused her of that to start with until Dumbledore had put his foot down.

Serena had only been a young woman when she had fled leaving everyone behind. She had never been so far from Jonathon in her life. He was normally only a stones throw away but she had lived without him for the last twelve years as she had everyone else apart from Kerr. Her daughter, her beautiful little girl who had turned out to be exactly like her father. She took after Serena slightly but she was mainly like her father and Serena was pleased about it. The wizarding world would maybe detest and despise Sirius but as long as Serena and Kerr were there to love him then at least it was something. She had always told Kerr not to listen to anything that anyone said about her father. No matter what they said her father had been a good man and always had been and no one should ever convince her otherwise.

She couldn't bring herself to wipe the tears away from her eyes. She just sank down onto the sofa breathing heavily just trying to save her heart from aching anymore. Suddenly there was a loud noise banging against the windowpane. Serena leapt to her feet. Back in her old house she would have put the noise down to young kids but here it was completely out of character. She moved swiftly over to the window. She glanced around and couldn't see anything. She opened the window slightly and leaned out but all she could hear was a faint buzz from some bee flying around. She was just about to close over the window when the bushes rustled and she looked down into the bush under the window. There in the middle was the face of the man she had just seen a picture of. She gasped.

'Sirius,' she whispered softly backing away from the window and then she fainted.

His grey eyes, misty with tears at seeing her face, locked onto her green ones. She was still as beautiful as ever, but now the eyes he loved so much were filled with pain and betrayal. They seemed to hold each other's gaze forever. He simply stared into her eyes like he was staring into her soul. At least, until she fainted.

For a moment, Sirius didn't know what to do. On one hand, he considered walking away as Padfoot, like nothing had ever happened. When Serena would wake up, perhaps she would think it was simply a dream. He could make his escape and be miles away before the cops (if they were called) would even start looking for him. But he didn't do that. He couldn't. His wife was lying there on the floor unconscious. She could've gotten a concussion from the fall and need medical attention. Sirius couldn't just leave her there.

Making a split-second decision and hoping it was the right one; Sirius crept over to the front door as Padfoot, hoping there was a doggy-door of some sort. But there wasn't. Obviously they didn't have a dog. Giving a whine, Sirius crept back to the bushes, transformed back into himself, and walked over to the front door. He grasped the handle and pushed on the door, only to find it lock. Another dead end. He sighed in frustration, and then remembered that when they were married, Serena always kept a spare key under one of the flower pots by the front door. Hastily, he checked every single flower pot but found no key.

He rested his pale hand on his thin chin and kicked the ground, having no idea what to do. He could still walk away and no one would be the wiser. _When a door closes a window opens..._ He peeked his head around the corner of the house and eyed the window curiously. He could defiantly fit through it. There was no screen so he didn't have to worry about that. The height was right for him to jump through as Padfoot. It would work.

Back to the bushes he went, transformed into the black dog that was so often mistaken for the grim, and jumped through the window with ease, landing on the wooden floor with a whine as he felt his paw twist. He transformed back into Sirius, and held his wrist firmly, twirling it about. It wasn't broken, but it hurt like heck.

Shrugging it off, he knelt beside Serena and caressed her soft face with his thin hand. A well of emotion built up inside him, but he forced it back. He kissed her lightly on the forehead; even though his body ached to hold her tightly and never let her go.

"Wake up, Rena," he whispered. When she didn't, he grabbed the wand that she had dropped and pointed it at her. If anyone were to burst into the room at that moment, it would've looked very bad for Sirius. But no one did, and for that, Sirius was incredibly thankful.

_"Enervate,"_ he whispered in his hoarse voice, and forced himself to smile at her when she opened her eyes.

"Hi."

In a dead faint Serena's head spun. It felt as though she was being chased around at top sped and people were shouting and yelling this way and that. There was terrible amount of noise and it was all exploding inside her head. Words of spells were muttered this way and shout the other. There was a screech like the sound of a car skidding to a halt. There was a thump as though someone had hit the floor. There were faces flashing in the dark. Lily, James, Remus, Hesita, Emmeline, Harry, Jonathon, Alexis, Callum, Lyneta, Dougal, Charlie, Kerr, Peter and Sirius. Her mother was muttering under her breath and someone was screaming and then Serena in some dull state of unconsciousness realised it was her that was screaming in the weird faint dream. Then there was soft voice.

The eyelashes that had formed dark half circles on the tanned cheeks flutter and the eyelids opened revealing the startling emerald green colour of the slanted eyes. She groaned slightly and her eyes focused and looking up she could see the skeleton like face staring down at her a slight smile on his face almost forced like he hadn't smile in a while. Her eyes found his to see the worry behind them. She found a slight smile spreading across her face. She could feel it and it was almost as though the weight of sadness that had filled her only moment ago lift. She wondered how he had got in. Surely he would be caught but she didn't care. He was there. He was there.

She reached up a hand to the pale skeleton-like face. It didn't seem like him but she could see his handsome features shine out from behind the face. His true self was reflected in the eyes that she loved so much, the eyes she had fallen in love with. She had thought that perhaps Kerr would inherit those eyes but she hadn't. She looked immensely like Sirius but the only thing that betrayed the fact that Kerr was her daughter was the startling pair of emerald green eyes that shone out of the pale, Sirius-like face. Her hand touched his face and a shock jolted through her. He was solid. He wasn't a dream. She could never be sure. She had dreamed of him so many times just to be disappointed.

'You're real,' she whispered slightly smiling at him tears sparkling in her eyes. She sat up slowly and looked at him. There was stubble growing on his chin but there was no hint that he had gone insane within the confounds of Azkaban. He looked sane to her and Serena should know. She had known him better than many. Not better than James but better than anyone else. She had after all married him. She had spent years together with him. They had been mutual friends, close friends, lovers, husband and wife and then finally a family. She was the family that he had never had and had always wanted. She could hardly believe she was there. She could hardly believe it.

'Sirius,' she murmured and threw her arms around his neck. He had become to slim but she held onto him burying her face into his neck and then a silent silver tear slid down her face. 'Oh my love.'

It was if someone had broken the dam to his heart when Serena threw her arms around his neck. He hadn't thought he would ever feel her in his arms again. She had become only a dream to him during those long years in Azkaban. Her touch had become only a whisper of a former life that teased him and drove him mad inside his mind. But there she was, holding onto him like she would never let go. Like she had never let go twelve years ago. For a moment, Sirius let himself believe that the horrible past twelve years had only been a dream, and that he had woken up safely in his bed - not a mass-murderer, or the Dark Lord's heir, or whatever else the papers said about him. He was Sirius. Simply Sirius. Husband to Serena and father to Kerr.

He clutched her greedily, relishing her soft touch on his dirty, thin, and worn face. How he had missed her! She really had been his everything. His all. His better half. The part of himself that he couldn't live without. Yet he had been forced to endure years without her in the cold, dark, nightmarish confines of the high security cell in Azkaban. So many times he had wished for this day...dreamed of it. It had been the last good memory he had before the Dementors stole it from him. He shuddered despite himself.

He pulled himself away from her, tears streaming down his cheeks and not caring, just staring at the thing he never thought he would have again. He opened his mouth to speak though nothing would come out, and it was only then that he realized:

She had called him her love.

_But, it doesn't make sense._ His head was swimming as all he thought he knew was proved wrong. He had been so sure that she would be furious at him. He had been so sure that she would hate him because she thought he betrayed Lily and James. But someone who hated him wouldn't throw themselves at him and hold him like they loved him just as much as the day they married, would they? He was confused. He was even more confused than when the Dementors played with his mind, causing him to think horrible things. He was quite sure that he was the most confused that he had ever been before in his life. It didn't make sense. _Does it need to?_

"You...you don't hate me?" he asked, his voice horrible hoarse. He wished it wasn't. He wished there was still some part of him that was recognizable as the Sirius back before all this had happened. But the Dementors had taken that away from him too, just like they had taken away everything else.

Before he could stop himself, he kissed her. He kissed her like he had kissed her at their wedding. He kissed her like the day she gave birth to Kerr. He kissed her like he had done every day of their relationship, like he should've kissed her the past twelve years. It was then that Sirius Orion Black felt whole again.

Anybody who had known Serena back in the old days would never have recognised the woman that had lived in the shadows for the last twelve years. She had lived like a ghost a living but empty shell that moved around on the earth. She had been England's most celebrated quiditch player but no one would have thought she could have ever been so brilliant for she was like a shadow of her former self. The hurt she had suffered over the last twelve years had bruised her soul more often than anything that ever could. When she had been younger she could withstand anything but having Sirius taken away from her had weakened her and for many of the last years the only thing that had kept her going was her daughter.

Sirius seemed speechless to her but she didn't care she could have sat there in silence in his arms for days on end. She could have forever sat with him on this carpet in this room away from the world. It was dangerous of him to have come there but for the moment she didn't care. She could hide him better than anyone. There were so many who suspected him of being the one who had betrayed Lily and James. Remus, Hesita, Emmeline, Dumbledore many of their old school friends who Serena had not told. She knew within her heart he could never have betrayed them even if he had wanted to. Sirius was not that cold and the Ministry should have listened to her. She knew him.

She could almost see his mind working and his face was overcome in puzzlement. She was crying again and she wondered where on earth the tears could have come from. Surely she had cried them all out just a moment before but obviously not for there she was sitting in the middle of her living room crying finally back where she belonged, in the arms of Sirius Black. She loved him, had always loved him and would always love him. She had taken him for better or for worse but on that day it had seemed that nothing could ever separate them. That day when everyone had been smiling. She had tried to hold onto him. She had stormed into the Ministry demanding an answer. She had shouted, sworn and cursed nearly everyone to try and get some answers. Crouch had told her she needed to seek medical attention.

His voice was hoarse and it broke her heart to hear him. Did she hate him? How could he ever believe or even thinking or such a thing? Hate him! She couldn't ever hate him for he had not done anything. She knew it within her heart and she felt happy that at least both herself and his daughter knew the truth. At least he could depend on them.

'I could never hate you,' she told him tears sparkling in her eyes yet again. 'I love you. I could never hate you. For better or for worse.' And then he kissed her. A kiss that she had long forgotten. A kiss that she had not felt for the last twelve years. A kiss which she had dreamed of and longed for. A kiss like none other. She could hardly believe it was him that was kissing her. She had spent so much of the last years wishing for him and here she was. She was in his arms and he was kissing her.

He pulled away from her slowly, not wanting to break the connection yet knowing he must. His cheeks were wet with tears - something that would never have happened back when he was younger - and he rested his head on her shoulder, hacking with sobs, and breathing deeply her sweet scent that he had so longed to smell during the darkest of days without her.

"For better or for worse," he repeated softly, cradling her in his arms. It was the happiest moment Sirius had had for a long time. She knew he was innocent. She knew he hadn't betrayed Lily and James. She knew that he had wasted twelve years of his life in prison for something he didn't do. She trusted him, and that knowledge lifted his spirits higher than they had ever been before.

He sighed, whether it was a happy sigh or a sad sigh he didn't know, and gently wiped the tears from her perfect face, not bothering to erase his own. They had so much they had to talk about and so little time to do it in. Despite every bone in his body crying out for him to stay with her, he couldn't. It would be too risky - for him and for her. If the Ministry found out that she was harbouring a mass-murderer, they'd surely throw her into Azkaban for the heck of it. He was surprised they hadn't thrown her in just for being married to Sirius, for they seemed to like to imprison innocent people.

He stood up abruptly, peeling himself away from her, having no notion of what he was doing, and walked over to the mantle. It was covered in pictures of what could have been mistaken as a girl version of Sirius. But Sirius knew better than to think it was that, for he had seen the green eyes...eyes that were so like the ones he had been staring in moments ago. It was his baby girl.

He cleared his throat and turned back to Serena. "This...this is Kerr?" he asked in a surprised tone as he pointed to the pictures. He looked at them, smiling a genuine smile, and caressed one of the frames. "She's so big."

_What did you expect, Padfoot? For her to stay one-year-old her entire life._

He stared at the picture, not bothering to answer himself. "She has her mother's eyes." His eyes began to tear again, but this time, he held the tears at bay.

He turned back to Serena and sighed, casting her a loving look. "Serena, no matter - "He cleared his throat again. "No matter what happens, know that I will always love you."

He broke the connection and she could see the tears sliding down his face. She smiled slightly. She had never seen Sirius cry and she never thought she ever would but here he was on her carpet in her living room in the middle of her house a wanted man crying because he was there with her. At least that was why she thought he was crying. She was glad he was there with her. She wanted to grab hold of him and tell him to never, ever leave her again but she knew it was impossible. If she requested that of him, if she begged him enough, he would stay and then he would be taken away from her and she would be arrested for harbouring a fugitive and her daughter would be on her own. She couldn't do that to Kerr.

She was so immensely happy just sitting with him on the carpet. His touch was soft against her face and she pushed it further against his hand almost like a cat. Her eyes wandered all over his face and she could see he wanted to stay wit her but he couldn't. It was as simple as that. If one of her neighbours were to see him they would dialling that hotline quicker than anything and then a whole bunch of Aurors or worse Dementors would show up at her door. From what Dumbledore had said in his letter Serena guessed that the Ministry wanted to have her and Kerr put under surveillance just in case Sirius tried to contact them. Well they were too late. Where they were looking she didn't know but she was glad she has covered her tracks.

He stood up abruptly and she watched him eye the living room. He walked over to the mantelpiece and Serena rose watching the familiar determined walk that Sirius always had. He was staring at the pictures of Kerr. There were tons of her. Kerr and her best friends Reece and Mark, Kerr and Serena together, Kerr and her owl Mercury, Kerr in her school uniform and Kerr with Fergus, her steady boyfriend. Serena loved the pictures of Kerr and she did look so much like Sirius. Serena had once compared pictures of Kerr with her ones of Sirius and it was almost scary how much she looked like him. She even struck the same sort of poses.

She smiled softly when he asked if that was Kerr. Anyone could tell. Yes she had gotten big since Sirius had last seen her. Serena had wanted to send him picture of Kerr now grown up but if she had the Ministry would know she was till in the country and she had spent her last while sending indications that she was no longer in Britain. She nodded.

'Yes that's Kerr,' she said smiling. 'She has gotten so big. She is almost as tall as me but she claims that she is short. I told her that her father was a tall man an that she takes after him a lot.' Serena smiled. 'Yeah she noticed that too. They look more striking in her pale face though.'

She smiled at him. Kerr looked so much like Sirius with black silk-like hair that fell into he eyes. She had extremely pale skin; she had the same sort of board smile and she had even inherited his laugh which had often cause Serena to believe that Sirius was in the house. Serena's only mark on her daughter was the startling emerald green eyes that slanted slightly like cats eyes. She smiled as Sirius looked at her.

'I know,' she said softly. 'I love you too.'

Clearing his throat was becoming a bothersome task, but he hated himself sounding like he hadn't spoke much in years...which he hadn't, but that was a different story. There was so much he wanted to say to her but he had no idea where to begin. He wasn't that great with words - okay, so he could list of pick-up lines like there was no tomorrow, but that wasn't the same as talking to his wife that he hadn't seen for twelve years. He figured Serena would understand if he couldn't say everything just like his heart wanted him to...after all, he had had the same problem when he was trying to write his vows. Merlin, had that turned out to be a disaster.

"Serena, I - " He shook his head. The words would not come, even though there were on the tip of his tongue and he was repeating them over and over in his mind.

_Serena, I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my days with you. I don't want to leave you and Kerr alone anymore. I want to watch my daughter grow up. I want us to have a family again...maybe even a bigger one. One with you, me, Kerr, and new baby, and Harry. I want to be free. I don't want to run anymore. But...but I can't. I can't stay here. I can't be the father and husband and godfather I want to be because I'm on the run. Because the idiots at the Ministry think I betrayed Lily and James. But I didn't. You know that. But they don't, and until they do, no where is safe for me. That's why I have to go after Peter. I know where he is, and I'm going to get him, and I'm going to make him pay for what he did to me - to us. I promise._

Merlin, he wished he could say all that to her. But something was keeping him from doing it. Was it the thought of the fact that he may never see her again? Was it the thought of saying goodbye? Did he not want her to know where he was going? Was he scared to leave and go find Peter? Or was he really just that bad with words? Whatever the reason he didn't like it.

Sighing, he walked back to her and took her hands. He didn't allow himself to touch her face, or to give her another kiss, or to smell the sweet scent of her hair. It would make what he had to say all the more difficult. He looked down at the ground, trying to gather his thoughts and not look at her piercing eyes that at one point in his life, he had thought could see past whatever barrier he put up around his emotions. She could see into his very soul, just as he could see into hers. But he didn't want her to look into his right now.

"Serena," he started before taking a deep breath. "Merlin, I think this might be the hardest thing I've ever said before," he noted to himself. He squeezed her hands lightly. "Serena," he spoke her name softly, cursing himself for getting attached again. He should have just walked away. It would've made it easier. He should've just continued on to Hogwarts, grabbed Peter, and not shown up at Serena's house until he was a free man.

He dropped his head. "I...I can't stay here. I can't stay with you. It's dangerous, far too dangerous. For me and for you." _Why does this feel like breaking up?_ "There are things - things I have to do. But I can't tell you what they are. I can't tell you why or where they are either." He allowed himself to gaze into her piercing green eyes for a moment. "But I have to do them. I have to prove I'm innocent."

Serena's heart was breaking. It wasn't like it hadn't happened before. Her heart had been broken before and it had never mended but now it seemed to be breaking even more. She could hardly believe but her grief was beyond the tears she had cried early. She couldn't cry. The pain was too much to allow her to cry. He had too go and she knew it but she wished it didn't have to come so soon. It was so hard to give him up. It was so hard to say go. Go please save yourself. It was so hard for her to say that. She couldn't. She opened her mouth but she choked on the words. She wanted him to stay but he couldn't. Now she needed to be stronger than she had ever been before it her life. She needed to tell him to go.

_C'mon White you knew this would happen. **No, no I didn't. I didn't realised I would ever see him again, I didn't realise saying goodbye would be this hard.** C'mon White you've said goodbye to many people before. You can do this once more for his sake. **Can I? Can I tell him to go? Can I tell him that I want him to go? Can I make him leave? My heart is breaking. Can I hide that from him?**_

When she was younger Serena would have thought that she was very strong. In fact she would have believed she was extremely emotionally strong but now she knew she wasn't. She wasn't strong enough. She wasn't strong enough to push him away. Her heart would have to freeze before she could push him away willingly. How could she tell him that? How could she say to him that she couldn't loose him again? How could she fall on her knees and beg him to stay. He had come wasn't that enough? _No._ Serena was ashamed of the voice inside her. She felt selfish. She was selfish. This was Sirius' life they were handling but in was also her sanity.

'Go.' She tried to say it but all she did was mouth it to the carpet. She couldn't actually say it. Even mouthing it made her heart scream in pain. It felt as though someone was savagely tearing her heart into pieces. She could hardly bare it. What was wrong with her? She could do this. She could tell him that she valued his life beyond anything and she did but telling him to leave her again, to possibly never, ever come back to her. She wouldn't be able to bear it if he didn't come back to her ... again. She could still remember that night that Sirius had said he was going out to see Peter. That was the last time she had seen him. The only thing she had got back was his motorbike. Rebeus Hagrid had dropped it off. She had kept it for Kerr.

'I know,' was all she could utter. She knew that Sirius had to clear his name. She knew that because if he didn't then he would forever be on the run but she didn't want to let him go. She wanted him to stay. To be a family again. She wanted to move back to where they had lived before and to see all her old friends but they couldn't.

Despite all he had said to her only moments before, the second Serena uttered "I know", Sirius wanted to take back everything he had just said, and pretend like he hadn't said it at all. How could he have just said he couldn't see his beautiful wife again? How could he have just said he would rather go after that rat of a traitor than spend time with his family? He saw what Pettigrew was doing. He was keeping him away from his family even more. He was making Sirius want to go after the stinking' vermin rather than stay there and live comfortably with his wife. He was ruining all that Sirius had worked so hard to get. When he was younger he would've never thought it possible for him to fall in love. But he had, and now the rat wanted to take that away from him again. The first time had hurt, but the second time would kill him. There had to be another way.

_There is no other way._ No, that's not true. There has to be another way. There's always another way. _Not this time, Sirius._ I don't believe that. _You've no other choice. For your safety and for the safety of your family._ No. _Sirius..._ I'll...I'll make a way. I'll hide in Serena's basement as Padfoot. The Ministry doesn't even know about my being an animagus. If they ever came knocking, all they would see was Serena's lovable new dog. _You really think the Ministry's that daft? Did you forget that Remus knows about Padfoot? You don't think he would actually keep that information to himself, do you?_ I can't leave her again. _You have to._

He shook his head and looked at Serena. "I can't leave you," he said softly, pushing a strand of her hair back behind her ear. _You dolt, do you have a death wish? Are you particularly looking forward to going back to Azkaban? Because that's what will happen if you stay. It's suicide to stay, Sirius. The Dementors...their ticked at you. Fudge is thinking about letting them perform the Kiss. If they catch you..._ "I know what'll happen if they catch me," he said, unsure if he said it to himself, Serena, or the tiny voice inside his head. "But I won't go. Not this time. I can't," he said as his voice broke.

He sighed, knowing that if his wife agreed to what he was about to ask her, it would be extremely dangerous for her and Kerr. If anyone found out that she had helped him... "You...you could smuggle me into Hogwarts, couldn't you? Under the pretence that you're visiting Kerr?" He dropped his head and shook out his tangled black hair. "I have to see him, Serena. I have to see how Harry is doing." He gulped. "And I have to get Pettigrew. He's there, at Hogwarts, just waiting to make his move. I have to stop him." He waved his hand around in the air, trying to take some of the attention off of himself for Merlin knew why. "If - if something ever happened to Harry..." His hand dropped back down from the air and he put his hands on Serena's shoulder. "I promised James that I would take care of Harry. I have to keep that promise, Serena. And getting Pettigrew is the only way to do that."

He shook his head. "But you don't have to help me. If you say the word right now, I'll be out that door and I'll get into Hogwarts on my own. I have a plan. I can do it. I just don't want to leave you. I have to know you'll be all right every moment of every day."

Serena buried her face into his neck her whole body aching with the pain she felt for him. He knew what would happen but so did she. She knew all too well what would happen to him. She wondered that if they took his soul would they leave him with her. Would they allow her to keep him? She thought not. They would never let her keep him. They wanted to take him from her. They were trying to hurt her and him. They were trying to break them. She couldn't let that happen. She loved him and she would have to let him go. She would have to let him know that she would be all right as long as he came back to her. She would be happy knowing he was free and alive.

'You have too,' she tried to sound strong but her voice broke. She could hardly believe she was able to say that but she had ignoring the aching pain as though someone had slashed through her heart with a knife. She didn't want to tell him that. She didn't want to push him away. She wanted him to stay with her. She wanted him to see Kerr when she came back from school. She wanted him to see her. He had missed so much. First steps, first words, first teeth. He had missed so much of Kerr's life but she would never hold that against him and neither would Kerr. She wanted him to see her though. She was coming home from Christmas surely he could stay that long.

She listened to him wondering what he was saying. Visiting Kerr? She looked at him. Didn't he know? She stared at him. He obviously didn't. How could she have sent Kerr to Hogwarts? How could she let her daughter face the torment of people hating her? How could she let her reside in the same year as Harry who didn't know the truth? Serena wouldn't do that to her daughter and so she had had to send her to the only other place that Serena could think of. Dunthworpe Acadmey for Advanced Potential Magical Ability in Scotland. The school was situated on an island off the coast of Scotland and the school had only been too happy to accept Kerr but Serena had sent her as Kerrys Lily Alexis White hoping that it would spare Kerr some scrutiny.

'Sirius ... Kerr doesn't go to Hogwarts,' she said softly. She felt ashamed. It wasn't anybodies fault but she didn't want Kerr subjected to rumour. 'I sent Kerr to Dunthworpe. I ... I couldn't send her to Hogwarts to be with Harry. What if Harry had been told about what people thought happened? Kerr ... I couldn't do that to her, Sirius. She knows about you, she knows everything and she always believes in you but I didn't want anyone treating her differently. Many of the people who attended Hogwarts with us have sent their children there and they think you a mass-murderer and they think I've gone insane. Also ... your cousin, Narcissa, she sent her son there. He knows even if Harry didn't, he knows.'

She stared at him trying to make him understand. She never wanted anything to ever happen to Kerr. She cared for her so much, she loved her.

'Harry ... you must get in and save him,' she said softly. 'You need to go there. You need to stop Pettigrew.' Serena realised she was showing a shadow of her former self. She loved Harry. 'Sirius I can't get you into the school but I can get you into the grounds. I can get you in completely unnoticed as long as you remain as Padfoot. I can get you in. I know how much this promise means to you because Dumbledore made me break my promise. I told Lily and James that if anything ever happened I'd look after Harry he would stay with you and me and Kerr but Dumbledore made me break it when he took Harry to Petunia. I'll help you. It would be better than waiting around. I just wish ...' her voice broke there, 'you could see Kerr.'

Kerr not at Hogwarts? To say he was disappointed would've been an understatement. He'd had so many dreams for her. For twelve years he'd imagined her getting sorted into Gryffindor - his house. He'd imagined her playing for on the Quidditch team, kicking Slytherin's arses every time they played each other. He'd imagined her and Harry as best friends. At least one Black would've been looking after him. But he realized at that moment how stupid his thoughts had been.

How could he have thought that his daughter would've been able to go to the school he went to when everyone thought he was a mass-murderer? How could he have even thought that it wouldn't be weird for her, and that she wouldn't be looked down upon? _Stupid, Sirius, stupid._ But a tiny part of him still wanted her to be there, just so he could glimpse at her when he went to get Pettigrew. Just so he could see his daughter, even if she didn't see him.

"Oh," was all he could reply. He shook his head in a knowing way. "Of course Narcissa's son knows, 'Cissa made it her job to know everything!" He laughed in disbelief. "Can you imagine the field day she must have had when I was sent to Azkaban? When Pettigrew told them all that he could hand over the Potter's to Voldemort. Stupid idiotic bloody Death Eaters..."

He scuffed his dirty shoe on the carpet and he shook his head when Serena offered to get him on the grounds. "No, that's okay. I can get into the grounds on my own. It'll be too dangerous for you to be there if Kerr's not there. They have Dementors flying around, I read it in the paper. I don't want you to become their next meal. I just thought..." He shook his head again and sighed. "Never mind."

He caressed her cheek sadly, knowing that she was doing the right thing by making him go, yet not wanting to leave her. "Don't worry," he whispered softly. "It'll be all right. I'll be fine. You'll be fine. We'll be safer if we're not together." Whether he said that to convince her or himself, he didn't know.

Serena could see his disappoint. He was disappointed that Kerr had not been there to look after Harry. To keep an eye out. To correct any idea he might have had that Sirius was a bad person but Serena couldn't bear it. If her daughter had been subjected to bullying Serena would have been torn apart. She was in the best place Serena could have put her. She had wanted so much for Kerr to go to Hogwarts but when it came to it she couldn't let Kerr be looked down on and she knew people would and what if Harry had been told about what Sirius had supposedly done? Even if he had been best friend with Kerr he would still treat her differently unless she had been able to correct the lie.

'I'm sorry Sirius,' she said softly. She knew that he thought that if Kerr was at Hogwarts then he would have been able to see her but now he wouldn't because she was in Scotland. Serena knew that Kerr would have preferred to have gone to the school that both Serena and Sirius had attended as children but Serena had told her it wasn't possible. Kerr had accepted it although she was disappointed for she desperately wanted to meet Harry because Serena had been James Potter's best friend and Kerr wanted to be Harry Potter's best friend. Serena herself wanted to cry whenever she saw Harry. He was so much like James that Serena had begun to miss both he best friends terribly.

She had missed Sirius too. She had missed him so much. She had hidden away from everyone. She had hidden from the Ministry trying to give Kerr the best life she could possibly have without the Ministry interfering. To be honest Serena was scared that the Ministry would take Kerr away from her believing Serena to be a bad mother and mentally unstable. They nearly had her carted off to St. Mungo's when she had tried to find out what had happened to her husband. Serena scared the Ministry because she was the smartest witch that Hogwarts had ever churned out. True not as smart as Dumbledore but Serena definitely was smart especially considering that she was a member of the White family.

'Are you sure?' she asked him looking into his eyes. 'I don't care about the risk because I can get you into the Shrieking Shack. You can make your way into the Hogwarts grounds from there surely. Well unless the tunnel has been blocked up I can get you in there if you want. It should be easy. All I would have to do would be to …'

Knock! Knock!

Someone was knocking on the door. Serena froze. Who was there? Surely it wasn't the Ministry. They wouldn't have knocked. They'd have knocked the door down. So who was it? One of the neighbours? The postman? Serena looked at Sirius hoping he wouldn't freak and run off. She could protect him. She knew it couldn't be the Ministry, it just couldn't be. They didn't know where she was.

Sirius froze at the sound of the knocking, like a deer caught in headlights. For a moment, he wondered if he was even breathing. He didn't seem to be, but he hadn't passed out from lack of air so he must've. The whole world was moving in extremely slow motion for him. He could feel an impending doom about him, like something bad was going to happen. He'd felt like this before, right before they carted him off to Azkaban without a trial.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

His head swirled to face the door. Who was there? Was it the Ministry? Did they find him already? He knew it would be risky to visit Serena, but he had thought he was days ahead of the Ministry. He couldn't go back there. Not when he'd tasted fresh air again and he knew exactly where Peter was. He couldn't become a prisoner again. It would kill him.

He began to hyperventilate. He was panicking. Big time. He couldn't...he wouldn't go back there. Worried eyes searched swiftly around the house, looking for any place to hide. He didn't have time to run. If it was indeed the Ministry, they would have the house surrounded, giving him no hope of escaping. They would've probably put an anti-apparation ward around the house. Not that he could apparate away anyway. He hadn't done it for twelve years; he would probably end up splinching himself.

He started pulling on his hair in worry. What would he do? What would he do? He could turn into Padfoot, but the neighbours would know Serena didn't have a dog. It was risky, especially if Remus had told the Ministry about his animagus skill. Groaning, he spotted Serena's wand lying on the carpet and picked it up with the speed of lightning.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

The knocking was getting louder and more impatient. Sirius pointed the wand at the door nervously, allowing his skin to relish touching the powerful wood for but a moment. If it was the Ministry, he'd have to start throwing out hexes like there was no tomorrow. He just hoped it wasn't Padfoot's last stand.

He looked at Serena and motioned her to go to the door. "Open it," he whispered, gripping the wand tightly. He could do this. He had to do this. He couldn't go back there. _Come on, you can do this. You used to hex Snivellus everyday._ Despite himself, he gulped and moved so he had a clear view of the door, but so the person at the door wouldn't be able to see him.

Serena felt him freeze in her arms. She looked at him worriedly. It wasn't Ministry. He couldn't believe it was the Ministry. They wouldn't knock politely on the door. They would knock down the door. They wouldn't care whether or not Serena actually had Sirius or not. Anyway, there was no way that they could have found her so quickly. There was no way he was going back. She wouldn't let him even if it was the Ministry. She could hide him. She couldn't let him run, he'd be caught but she could hide him. She was able to hide him. She was after all the smartest witch in Britain.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

He was panicking big time. She wanted to tell him to calm down but she herself was frozen in fear. She moved herself slightly towards the wall glancing out the window to see if she could see who was there. Who on earth could it be? The thoughts whirled round in her mind. She breathed calmly trying to help herself calm down. It wasn't the Ministry. She knew it just couldn't be them. They didn't even think she was still in the country. They thought she was in Italy or America. They didn't know that she was still in Britain.

'Sirius put it down,' hissed Serena making gestures at the wand he had snatched up in his hand. 'I can handle this. You know fine well the Ministry wouldn't knock. They would just charge in here.' She looked at him. 'Hide and I'll go see who is there.' She looked at him. She was scared. She could see it in his eyes but she wouldn't let him be taken back. She would never let them take him back. 'Give me the wand.' She snatched it from him and rapping him on the head she mutter "Innuendo". Sirius disappeared. 'Now you're invisible so just stay still and calm down.'

Serena moved cautiously over to the door. She clicked her fingers as she reached it and her wand disappeared. She unlocked the door and slowly opened the door. There on the doorstep smiling was Iain Fraser. She smiled broadly. Iain was the father of Kerr's boyfriend Fergus. Him and Serena had become close friends as they were the only two people of magical ability in the village. Serena grinned at him glad that it wasn't Mrs Copperfield from next-door. She was a nosey old thing.

'Iain, what a surprise,' said Serena nodding at him clenching her fist slightly hoping he didn't want to come in. He grinned at her and obviously sensed that she didn't want him to stay.

'The Ministry are looking for you,' he said grinning. 'Seem to think you could help them with the escape of Sirius Black,' he raised his eyebrow at her, 'they've asked me to keep an eye out. Now do you want them to know where you are or not? Professor Lachlan is covering up Kerr's attendance at Dunthworpe already. I asked him too.'

Serena smiled in relief. 'Thank you so much. I would be very grateful.' Iain just nodded and then turned off down the path. Serena heaved a sigh of relief and shut the door turning back into the house. She moved quickly through to the living room and watch Iain disappear down the path and out of sight. She then pulled out her wand and muttered the counter-curse. Sirius re-appeared in her living room. She smiled at him comfortingly.

'See, it was only Iain.'

Before he could even begin to protest, Serena had snatched the wand out of his hand. He tried to grab it back from her, complaining that it was dangerous and if anyone was going to attack someone, it would be him - the one that was already sentenced to Azkaban. But she had already turned him invisible and was making her way to the door. In the past, he probably would've jumped on her and tackled her to the ground to get the wand back, but now he was afraid to make any noise. If the Ministry thought someone else was there, they'd search the entire house, and if they'd brought Mad-Eye along... He gulped as he thought about that magical eye that could see through anything.

Despite Serena's insistence that it wasn't the Ministry, Sirius didn't believe her. It was just too coincidental. The one time he had taken a risk with his freedom and done something that Remus would call stupid, someone was knocking on the door, probably on a tip from Serena's neighbours, to come cart him back off to Azkaban again.

He tensed as he watched her clasp the doorknob and turned it. His breath was frozen in his throat, him unwilling to make even the tiniest sound that could give away the fact that he was there. If he could've stopped his heart from the fear that they could hear it beating, he would've. The door creaked open, and then he heard a voice. But it wasn't Fudge's, or anyone else's he remembered from the Ministry when he had worked there. Perhaps it was a new person; but why would they send a newbie to retrieve a 'dangerous and deadly convict'?

He listened closer, and for a moment thought Serena sounded just slightly relieved. Well, that was good, wasn't it? Or was she just trying to make herself sound calm so the Ministry didn't sound suspicious? He felt he might retch from the nervousness he felt. Great, that was the last thing he needed. They'd definitely know someone was there, especially if all they saw was the vomit falling from the air. It was like seeing James's floating head whenever he put on the invisibility cloak.

The torture of fear ended as Serena closed the door, watching the window for a moment, then made him visible again and smiled at him. He hadn't been expecting that. It surprised him so much that he started breathing again, and he immediately got a headache. He raised a curious eyebrow to his wife.

"Oh, _only_ Iain?" he asked sarcastically. "Who the hell is that?" He didn't mean to swear at her, but he was just so worried and scared about this whole running from the Ministry business, and he was so angry that Pettigrew was so close to his godson, that it just sort of slipped.

He walked over to her couch and plopped on it like he owned it. He covered his face with his hands as he groaned. "What in the Wizarding World am I doing? I can't outrun the Ministry. They'll catch me, I know it. And then..." His face contorted into a horrifying look as he thought about the Dementor's Kiss. If they caught him they'd suck out his soul and leave him to rot in Azkaban like one of Voldemort's Death Eaters. But to them, he was one, and there was no way he could convince them otherwise until he captured Peter and forced him to tell the truth about that night.

To her eyes Sirius looked like a wreck of nervousness when she made him visible again. She smiled slightly although she was shaking herself. She wouldn't let Sirius know that she had been scared though. She needed to be strong for him and she would be. She wouldn't crack under the pressure. She eyed him slightly obviously relieved that it wasn't the Ministry. If it had been she would have had to do some serious spell work in order to hide Sirius right in front of their eyes. If only Kerr had been home. Serena knew that her daughter would be able to hide him somewhere nobody would ever get him but unfortunately Kerr wasn't there and so if it had been the Ministry Serena would have had to get her skates on.

She eyes him slightly as he swore at her but swiftly ignored it. There was no point in being shocked. Serena was never shocked by the things that had come out of Sirius's and indeed James's mouth when they were younger and she certainly wasn't going to be shocked now. Being shocked had been Lily's job. Lily was the perfectionist of the group and had always been the one to make sure that James and Sirius got their comeuppance for the things they had done wrong. Serena on the other hand had been the one that had helped in the mischief. She had always loved to do that. She had grown up with James after all and she had loved Sirius. In fact she still did love Sirius with every fibre of her being.

'Iain is your daughter's boyfriend's father,' said Serena smiling slightly wondering how Sirius, as a father, would take that information. Serena herself loved Fergus. True he was sixteen, three years older than Kerr but he was responsible, caring and just that little bit wild which sort of reminded Serena of Sirius at that age. Fergus was quite a flirt too she remembered but not as much as Kerr who seemed to have inherited both her mother and her father's ability to flirt. 'He is the only other person that resides in the village that is part of the wizarding world, excluding our daughter and his son obviously.

Serena watched him in despair as Sirius plonked himself down on the couch. He looked helpless and Serena felt a cold feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had never thought that their lives would turn out this way. She had never thought that at the age of thirty-five Sirius would be on the run from the Ministry, Lily and James would have been dead for thirteen years and she would be hiding away in a muggle village sending Ministry signals that she was in America. It was funny how things turned out. In fact to Serena it wasn't funny. It was a sad situation to be in and she was horrified. As a young woman she had had so much hope for her life and for the life of her friends but it had all crumbled away. Now she was standing in her living room talking to her fugitive husband who at any moment could get his soul sucked out of him. She sighed softly and sat on the couch beside him taking his hand in hers.

'You can,' she told him softly, 'and you will.' She smiled softly. 'You will prove to them that you are innocent and once that is done you, Kerr, Harry and I will become a proper family when we move back to our old house.' She squeezed his hand comfortingly. 'Don't loose hope for when you don't have hope there is nothing left to cling too. James told me that and it's what I have been clinging too for the last twelve years and look what it brought me. It brought me you.'

_Daughter's boyfriend's father..._ He furrowed his eyebrows together and repeated the phrase in his mind again. _Daughter's boyfriend's father...?_ Suddenly, it clicked, and Sirius was extremely shocked, to put it mildly. Kerr had a boyfriend? But she was only... He did the math for a moment. But she was only thirteen! Why on earth did she have a boyfriend? How could Serena _let_ her have a boyfriend? She was far too young!

_Look who's talking, Sirius Orion Black, the guy at school with a thousand fan clubs that had a new girlfriend every week._ **That's different. I'm a guy. Kerr's a - a - **_A what? A girl? Wow. You really are captain obvious, aren't you?_ **You're an idiot, and Kerr is a very vulnerable girl subject to a guys well...you get the idea.** _How do you know she's vulnerable? You haven't seen her for the past twelve years?_ **That's not the point. She's a girl and guys are, well, guys that do, well, guy things. I should know! I did them!** _And I wonder just how many fathers were screaming their heads off because their daughter was dating you._ _Exactly._

He looked at Serena. "Her boyfriend's father?" he asked, trying and failing to keep his voice under control. "How? When? Why? _Who?_" He shook his head. "No, never mind. I don't want to know. I haven't been her father for the past twelve years, why should I start now?" He sighed, angry at how a simple voice inside his head could make him change his mind about certain issues.

He rested his head on his wife's shoulder, listening to her talk. A proper family. What was a proper family? He'd had so little experience with a proper family. He'd been born a Black, expected to follow the rules and traditions set down by his family. He'd been expected to be on the Dark Lord's side, to be sorted into Slytherin, to become a Death Eater. But he hadn't wanted all that bullcrap they had wanted to shove down his throat. He didn't want to be another mindless minion of Voldemort. He'd had his own agenda, so he ran away when he was sixteen. He'd gone to James's and lived there until he graduated. It was almost a proper family; it was a proper family for James, but not for Sirius. It wasn't _his_ family, no matter how much he wanted it to be. Then he'd met Serena, and they'd had Kerr. That was the closest thing he'd ever had to a proper family. But he'd only had it for about year. Then it was taken away from him. His proper family, the thing that made his life worth living, had been broken because of one night and a rat with a lying problem.

"For how long," he whispered softly, kissing her cheek. "How long will I be here with you? I can't stay here forever, Serena. I can't stay here with you, resting in each other's arms all night like we used to do, watching the sunrise, no matter how much I want to. It's not possible."

He pulled her closer to him, and sat in the comfortable silence that he had missed so much, just thinking. He was thinking about a million things at the same time, or at least, he was trying. But his mind seemed incredibly distant at that moment, like there was nothing around them, like the world didn't exist, like it was just them two, sitting next to each other, no worries in the world. Oh, how he wished that was true.

"Baby," he muttered quietly. "Is there any way I could see Kerr before I go?" He desperately wanted to see his daughter, for he didn't know when he'd have to opportunity again.

Serena watched the mixture of emotions pass over Sirius's face with a hint of a smile lighting on her lips. He hadn't been a father for twelve years but he still had the fatherly feelings that shone through his face. She was glad he hadn't just passed it over. She was glad he was having fatherly feelings. She listened patiently to his outburst. When Kerr had first told Serena that she had a boyfriend, a boyfriend that was three years older than her Serena had been doubtful. Three years difference for a thirteen year old was quite a lot but when Serena met Fergus everything had been all right. Fergus thought the world of Kerr and she knew that Kerr was perfectly capable of handling herself if anything got out of hand.

'Right that was six questions. Number one, yes that was Kerr's boyfriend's father. Two how, she met him at school. Three when, two months before the start of the summer. Four why, they both adore each other. Five who Fergus Fraser and six you should start now because for the last twelve years you have been in Azkaban for something that you didn't do. It hasn't been as though you left us on purpose and Kerr knows that. She may not know you but she loves to hear about you. She loves to hear how we got engaged, about out wedding and about the pranks you use to play. She loves finding the pictures of you and comparing them to pictures of herself. She loves looking like you.' She smiled at him. 'Just because you haven't been here for the last twelve years doesn't mean that you haven't been her father.'

She kissed his forehead as he rested his head on her shoulder. She knew he was thinking just as she was although the chances were he wasn't thinking about what she was thinking of. Maybe he was but he probably wasn't. Serena's thoughts were on Kerr wondering if she could persuade Dumbledore to take Kerr at Hogwarts. It would be better for Harry if he could meet her. Kerr could tell him the truth. After all for all she knew Harry was being told that Sirius Black was after him to kill him just like he had killed his parents and all the time Harry was being fed lies that everyone believed. Another thing was that the real culprit, Pettigrew, was lying in wait for Voldemort to get strong again.

'I know. It unfortunate but it really cannot be helped,' Serena whispered not knowing if she was strong enough to say it out loud. 'When you have cleared your name you and I will lie in each others arms and watch the sunset every night if you like.' She smiled at him wishing that they could be like they were when they first married. 'I don't know. I could hopefully do something.'

Six questions? He only counted five. If it was really true, how, when, why, who. Sirius was forced to stifle a snicker when he heard the boy's name. Fergus? Well, that was an interesting choice, wasn't it? He wondered which one of the boy's parents picked it out. And he thought his name was bad... _Oh, that question._ He played with Serena's hair gently as she told him about telling Kerr about how they met and got engaged, their wedding, and useless other titbits about their lives. When she mentioned telling her about the pranks Sirius used to play, that brought a thought to his mind.

"Serena," he started softly. "How much does she know about the Marauders?" The Marauders had been his life before he met Serena. The Marauders were his brothers, even if they had been long since split apart. "I mean, she does know about them, right?" For some reason, he had an odd feeling that Serena might leave part, if not the whole, of the story out. Why, he didn't know, but it was just a feeling he had. "She has met Remus, hasn't she? She does know he's her godfather, doesn't she?" When Kerr had been born, they'd made Remus godfather of her, seeing as how Sirius had been made godfather of Harry. It was supposed to go that James and Lily would be made godparents of Remus's children. Peter had declared he didn't want to be a godfather, and now, in Sirius's mind, he knew why. Peter had already gone over to the Dark side. He'd already been planning to betray them.

"He does take care of you two, doesn't he? Like he promised..." He'd told Sirius he'd take care of his family if something had ever happened to him. It had been during one of Sirius's rare serious moments, when he actually talked about the war and the future without joking about it.

When she mentioned lying in each other's arms and watching the sunrise after he got his name cleared, he leaned in gently and kissed her. "I'd like that," he whispered. He sighed, thinking.

_When he was free..._ When would that be? When would he not be on the run from the Ministry? When would he no longer be an innocent man running from the law? When would he be with his family again, happy and free? When would he get to spend everyday with his daughter, wife, and godson? When would he have a normal life again? With a normal job? And a normal house? Not ducking out of sight from Aurors or highly trained Ministry officials? When would he lie in the arms of his wife, watching the sunrise?

"When I'm free," he started. "I'll make up for all those years we lost. I'll buy us a house somewhere out in the country. It'll be cozy, but it'll be quite large. We'll have a giant front lawn where Harry and Kerr can play Quidditch, without the peering eyes of Muggles. I'll be able to run around as Padfoot, dragging you along with me." He smiled at the thought. "We'll have a huge picnic table in the back where we can eat meals every day during the summer. We can even invite this Fergus boy over and whatever girlfriend Harry has, because, honestly, he's James's son. Enough said." He grinned, finding it very hilarious if Harry had pulled a James and was only going after one girl. "And, the house will have a massive porch, with a couch and swinging chair where we can sit together and watch the sunset, the stars, and the sunrise. Would you like that?"

'She knows everything,' Serena said quietly. 'Kerr knows absolutely everything. She knows who, when, where, why, what and how. Everything I could tell her I told her. I told her everything because there was no one else to tell.' She bit her lip slightly. 'She hasn't met Remus but she knows he's her godfather.' A tear descended down her cheek. 'I couldn't believe he thought you would murder Lily and James. We ...' she choked slightly '... we had the largest argument. I've never been so angry and I've never seen him so cold. I couldn't bare it. When I could shout no longer I ran. Kerr was with Jonathon so I could run all I wanted. It was raining but I didn't care. I kept running and running and running. I only stopped when I collapsed.'

She didn't look at him she couldn't look at him. She wanted to meet his eyes but she couldn't. She had been hurt. Sirius had been taken from her and instead of being comforted and told that his friends would do anything and everything to prove he wasn't guilty they had believed he was. To top it off they thought Peter Pettigrew was a hero for standing up to a madman. It made Serena so sick. She couldn't blame Remus, Emmeline and Hesita for their assumptions. Everyone knew there had been a double agent and Sirius was suppose to be the secret keeper but he hadn't been. It had been Pettigrew. It had been Pettigrew. Sirius's cousin Andromeda had believed that Sirius was innocent and so did Serena's twin Jonathon and her younger sister Alexis. Her other siblings weren't sure. They didn't know him. Serena had been hurt, badly.

'He tried,' Serena whispered in response to the question. 'He tried Sirius but I wouldn't let him. I didn't want him near me. I didn't want anyone near me. I was an emotional wreck. I didn't want anyone to remind me of you. Kerr had stay at Jonathon's. I couldn't look at her for days. I couldn't go home. I ended up living at my dad's old flat that Alexis was suppose to be living in. I couldn't bare it. Remus found me eventually and said he had promised to take care of me. Before he could I'd left. I sold the house and came here with Kerr. Twelve years I've lived alone on this earth and Kerr's is the only thing that kept me holding on. I was a ghost.'

Serena thought about it. It was true. Harry was James's son and he looked so like him too except from his eyes. Lily's eyes. Serena didn't know. She wiped her cheeks dry from where the silvery tears had trickled down her face. She smiled at him but it came out weak and watery even though she meant it. She wanted him to be free now. She wanted the house and Harry and Kerr and him now. Right now. She wanted to eventually send Kerr to Hogwarts like she had wanted to since the moment she realised she was pregnant. She wanted to lie with Sirius forever and forever watching millions of sunsets and sunrises and not moving or speaking just holding each other making up for the years they missed together.

'I would like that very much,' she whispered and then started crying again. She didn't know how she could cry so much and she wasn't completely sure why she was cry but she obviously was. She didn't want him to leave. She didn't want to get hurt. How could she explain that to Sirius? How could she explain that? She looked at him her eyes streaming with tears her heart aching with every sob and lips trembling. 'Sirius ... Sirius ... I bruise easily. I love you and I don't want to be bruised like I have been ever again. I've been beaten before then kicked when I was down. Now I bruise easily.'

Kerr knew everything. Well that was good, wasn't it? She knew about the Marauders and what they did together. She knew about the Marauders Map and Mr. Prongs, Mr. Moony, Mr. Padfoot, and...Everyone else. She knew about his past, about the good days. The days before he was sent to Azkaban, when life was normal and everyone was happy. For so long he had wanted her to grow up in a world like that. He'd grown up with war and he hadn't wanted her to have to as well. And while there may have not been a war going on at the very second, she was still feeling the effects of the last one. Her father was in prison because of the bloody war, and friends that should've stuck together were split because of the bloody war. It was just like he remembered it, mistrust at every corner, suspicious faces watching you as you walked down the street, wondering if they were next. Traitors in tight groups of friends, just waiting for the opportunity to strike. He'd given him that opportunity.

Sirius ran both hands through his hair, letting his forehead rest on his palms, and his elbows on his knees. "Bastard," he muttered as she told him about Remus. Remus still thought he was the traitor. Sirius had expected that, but still...he hadn't wanted to believe it. Remus was - had been - his best friend, the only one he had left, and he thought he'd betrayed Lily and James to their deaths. Whatever happened to standing beside each other no matter what?

A small boy's dreams, Sirius, not one of a man living with war. _We were supposed to stick together no matter what. It was the first rule of the Marauders._ Do you think those rules really matter now? I hate to tell you, but the Marauders are broken. They have been for the last twelve years. _We were invincible, nothing could touch us. How foolish were we?_ Pretty damn foolish, I'll tell you that right now. _But everyone felt that way at the very beginning, and then Voldemort had shown his true strength. It wasn't supposed to be like this. By now, I was supposed to have three more children. Lily and James were supposed to give Harry siblings. Remus was to find a well-paying job, and Peter...he was supposed to get a girl. Our dreams went down the drain the moment we set our foot out of Hogwarts, didn't they?_ Yes.

He sighed and stood up from the couch, pacing around the room. "Serena," he said, leaning a hand on the mantle and looking extremely exhausted all of the sudden. "You need to let Remus take care of you. You need to find him and ask him to take care of you. The only way I got through those twelve years in Azkaban was knowing that he was looking after you two. Thinking that he was watching you, made me know that you were safe. I can't leave you and know that you're on your own. You need to be taken care of, Rena."

'Sirius ... I couldn't,' said Serena pushing a strand of hair back from her face. 'He thought you had killed them, he thought you had betrayed them. He thought that I was going insane for believing that you didn't do it. I couldn't stand it. It hurt so much. I loved you, James and Lily and you were all taken from me because of Pettigrew. You were gone and I was furious with Remus for believing that you were the traitor. I couldn't let him near me. I didn't want to speak to him or look at him. I thought that he would always believe you. I thought you were the marauders but no. He didn't believe me. He didn't believe me that you didn't do it. I couldn't bare it.'

Serena could hardly believe it. The thing was they didn't seem to understand. Nobody seemed to understand that it wasn't just Sirius that she had lost that night but she had lost James and Lily as well. She had known Lily since she was eleven and James since she was two but nobody could understand that. Lily and Serena had been in all the same class, laughed at all the same jokes, married within two weeks of each other and they'd been pregnant together for crying out loud but nobody seemed to remember that and nobody seemed to remember that James and Serena were closer than even James and Sirius had been. She could hardly understand why nobody remembered.

'You see Sirius,' she said quietly. 'Remus didn't seem to remember that I had been James's best friend since the age of two nor that I had known Lily since I was eleven. He didn't seem to remember that I was James's best friend and that was the only reason I got to know you. He seemed to think that I thought you were innocent because I love you but everyone forgot that I was James and Lily's best friend not just one of them was my best friend but both of them but Remus seemed to have forgotten that. He seemed to have forgotten that I had lost them too that night as well as you. He seemed to think that I only cared about you as though I hadn't been in our group and that you had married an outsider. He thought I was insane.'

Serena sobbed. She had lost everything. James, Lily, Harry, Sirius, Remus, Emmeline, Hesita, her family, her life, her profession, her respect and her faith. The only thing she had not lost was Kerr. Nobody was going to take Kerr from her no matter what. She loved Kerr with every fibre of her being and although she may have lost a lot she still had Kerr and nobody on earth would ever take Kerr from her and that was another reason why she had left. For Kerr. For Kerr's sanity and so she could have a decent childhood without people judging her for what they thought her father had done.

'You see I couldn't bear to have Remus near me,' she said softly. 'How could I reside in the same house as someone who thought you a traitor and murderer and thought me mentally unstable? And what if I had stayed and they had carted me off to St. Mungo's thinking I was insane and they took Kerr away from me. She would have no one and would have been raised believing you a murderer and me insane that or she would have thought someone else were her parents. Not you and me but someone else. Remus perhaps. Nobody was taking our daughter away from me. Not even Dumbledore would take her from me. I lost a lot that night but I wasn't losing Kerr not for lies.'

Sirius moved to comfort her wrapping her slim frame in a large powerful cuddle. He felt sick to the bone over the pain that Serena had had to live with that his daughter had had to live with. He wanted to see Kerr ever so much but he knew that it might not be possible. He could hardly believe that Remus didn't believe Serena when she had told him that he hadn't been the traitor but then Sirius had thought it was Remus. That was why he hadn't told Remus about the switch because he thought that he was the traitor. He had been so sure that Voldemort wouldn't use Peter and he knew it wasn't himself so it must have been Remus. How could he ever of suspected Moony?

'I wanted him to look after you though,' he said softly his voice muffled by her hair. 'I didn't want to leave you and Kerr alone. You have to understand Rena that I got by in Azkaban thinking he was looking after you and Kerr and to find that he hasn't been …' He wasn't sure what to say to her. She was just looking at him her emerald eyes as beautiful as he had ever remembered, the eyes his baby girl had inherited. He didn't want to leave her alone. He hadn't wanted any of this. Not for his wife, not for his daughter and not for his friends. 'I thought Remus would look after you make sure you were okay but I understand why you did it. You lost me to lies and I would have hated you to loose Kerr for lies as well. I understand why you didn't stay but … I wish you would have let Remus know you were here.'

He sat down on the floor and pulled her down into his arms holding her tightly. He knew that if he stayed too long he might be caught but he could stay a little while surely. He could stay the watch one sunset with his wife before he went to save Harry and find his freedom. He could stay with her until he had to go and avenge James and Lily. He almost made to ask her if she would want to come but then refrained. He didn't want her to be caught assisting a convicted murderer. He knew she would love to kill Peter herself but he remained silent and drew her closer to him. He wanted to stay like that forever just holding her in his arms. He could fell her curling up close beside him and he planted a soft kiss upon her head.

'Come lay your head, Mrs Black.'


End file.
